


Office Hours

by MelodyGarnet



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, it's fine, no actual sex is happening, sex is mentioned but so are novelty boxers so you should take the chance, thank you cards against the federation chat group for tat hilarious conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:53:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyGarnet/pseuds/MelodyGarnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I’m trying to say is, Spock was busy preparing his teaching assignment, and Jim got bored. So, Jim tried to pull pranks and tease Spock into paying more attention to him, than to teaching. He was far too mischievous for someone his age, really. But did he care? No. No, he did not.<br/>So then, when Spock refused to have sex in his office, Jim got…creative. Obnoxious, that too.<br/>Nobody ever believed the poor student when he tried to convince his friends of what he saw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Office Hours

 

**Office Hours**

Jim could never get enough of teasing Spock. Really, he couldn’t. It was too much fun. And really, how else could he distract himself from the tedium in-between missions? The Enterprise was being upgraded-to Jim and Scotty’s eternal laments- to prepare for the new five-year mission. In the meantime, most of the enterprise crew were asked to give guest lectures and workshops at the Academy; Spock had requested to resume his teaching commission for the year, even.

What I’m trying to say is, Spock was busy preparing his teaching assignment, and Jim got bored. So, Jim tried to pull pranks and tease Spock into paying more attention to him, than to teaching. He was far too mischievous for someone his age, really. But did he care? No. No, he did not.

So then, when Spock refused to have sex in his office, Jim got…creative. Obnoxious, that too.

_

“Jim. Would you care to explain why you are currently hiding under my desk? Lights at twenty percent, lock the door.” Spock stepped out of the doorway and walked around the desk as the lights came on. He stared down at the space under his desk, where Jim was looking up at him, his chest bare, beaming, with his blue eyes shining with mirth.

“Well I thought I’d surprise my boyfriend with some hot lovin’.”

Spock _almost_ sighed. “Please cease calling it that.”

“What’d you want me to call it? Intercourse? Coitus?”

“Jim.”

“Nope. I am staying here, and having the first hot sex with my boyfriend in _two weeks_. And I’m having it under this desk. I’m staying put. I brought pillows and everything. Look.” Jim fluffed the violently puce pillow he was kneeling on. Mischief had turned to stubbornness.

Spock moved the chair out of the way and bent over to haul Jim out from under the desk. Jim twisted and turned as well as the limited space let him- which was a surprising amount. Flexible, that boy is. Spock never complained about that before, but he wanted to now.

Jim was pulled halfway out of the desk when the doorbell chimed. They froze.

“Nyota’s appointment.”

“Oh _shit_.”

They panicked. Jim stuffed himself back in the office space, Spock pushed the chair in front of the gap and sat down.

“Enter.”

The door unlocked and Nyota came in, all business. The black teacher’s uniform really suited her, but then, what doesn’t? She sat down carefully and pulled up her notes for this appointment on her PADD. They talked about how they would sync up their lesson material and where they would differ to offer the students both specialized and sufficiently broad knowledge. Frankly the talk was so dull and Spock was so calm that no-one could have guessed he had his boyfriend stuffed under his desk.

Jim shifted as silently as he could, bored out of his skull. Then he looked up and grinned. Spock’s knees boxed Jim in and the captain had a prime look on his favourite thing in the world.

He considered how fucked he would be if he were discovered. Nyota wouldn’t kill him _too much_. And Spock, well, he’d be too busy trying not to die of embarrassment. _Perfect._

Jim started by inching closer and circled Spock’s ankle with his right hand’s fingers. Slowly, he dragged his hand up Spock’s leg until it rested on his knee. His left hand he curled behind Spock’s right knee and he softly tickled the hollow, a weak spot.

Spock twitched very slightly. Kirk could hear the hitch in his boyfriend’s breath, and even Uhura paused in reaction to something as rare as _Spock moving involuntarily_. It was really quite like someone hitting you on the head with a wet fish in the middle of a desert.

If anyone could see Jim’s face-splitting grin at that moment, they would have been awfully reminded of a certain literary cat. Spock would have been on his guard. Actually, Spock _was_ on his guard, but not because he could see Jim’s face. It was because Jim had now bent forward carefully and was nuzzling his nose along the inside of his boyfriend’s thighs.

Spock’s toes bent inside his boots as Jim breathed warmly on Spock’s clothed groin. Uhura noted a slight green-tinge on the Vulcan’s cheeks, but decided she must have been mistaken.

“Anyway, I wanted to include late twentieth century rap music to lay the link with alien musical languages who use rhythm more than melody to convey emoti- Spock, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Nyota, merely somewhat discomfited. Please continue.” Spock was not fine. Spock’s zip was unzipped and his underwear-covered genitals were currently being licked with broad strokes by a blond-haired, blue-eyed _menace_.

‘Fine’ wouldn’t even have featured in the Vulcan’s vocabulary if he weren’t immensely distracted. Spock’s blush intensified until even Uhura couldn’t fool herself anymore and when Jim grazed a certain area of Vulcan anatomy lightly with his teeth, Spock jumped.

Uhura’s eyes narrowed and went from Spock’s face to his desk. “What is wrong with you? Jim under there?” She was only _half_ joking.

Regardless of Uhura’s joking tone, the captain decided the gig was up. Jim’s head popped up from under the desk and he leaned his chin on the desk’s surface. He grinned happily and waved his fingers.

“Hey, Ny! We still on for dinner Sunday?” Not a care in the world. Wasn’t even blushing, the git. Spock almost wanted to push the man back under the desk, but he was too busy burying his head in his hands.

Uhura started laughing (it was one of those really pretty ones, the ones that make you want to record it and listen to when you’re sad and it’s winter and you really shouldn’t eat anther tub of ice-cream but you will and I’m digressing BACK TO THE STORY).

“Hi, Jim! Yeah, we’re good. Wash your mouth first, though.”

“Oh, I didn’t get far. I was gonna do that anyway, gotta wash the taste of his boxers out. ‘Sup?”

“Jim, _please_.” Jim ignored Spock’s muffled words, pretending he couldn’t understand them through Spock’s hands.

Uhura leaned back and crossed her legs. She was really rather at ease with it all. Makes you wonder. “Oh I’m good, I’m great. Actually, you just got me a bottle of Merlot.”

“Chapel’s betting again?”

“When isn’t she?”

“True, true.”

Uhura waved with her PADD: “You mind if I-?”

“No, go ahead.”

“ _Jim_.”

Jim and Nyota exchanged mischievous glances and grinned at each other. They had gotten over their differences rather early in the five-year mission once they figured out they could put their energy bickering into teasing the hell out of Spock, which would be _much_ more fun. Spock rather misses the days when he could find them trying to prank each other, instead of them _trying his patience_.

The PADD made a beep signalling connection. “Chapel. I’m rather busy here, love, make it quick.” The background noise coming out of the communication device told the trio in the office that she was in the hospital, probably with a gaggle of med students trailing behind her.

“Remember that bet we made about Jim and Spock being caught having sex?”

Almost immediately, the background noises died as Chapel slipped into her office and closed the door behind her. Her chair squeaked as she sat down in it and put her shoes on her desk. The trio in the teacher’s office didn’t know it, but Chapel noted down the bet’s outcome, and sent a message out.

“I’m listening.”

Spock, uncharacteristically, groaned. He wanted to leave, but his zip was still undone, and frankly he had no desire to show off the novelty boxers his boyfriend had bought him and insisted on. Jim huffed out a giggle, suspecting what Spock was thinking, and rested his chin on his elbows, still sitting halfway under the desk. He was surprisingly comfortable.

Uhura shot the Vulcan a _look_. “Oh loosen up, Spock. There’s no shame in it. Chapel and I have done some crazy shit, too.”

Jim perks up, and even Spock peeks out from behind his hands. “Really?”, the blonde asks.

Chapel snorts. “Of course, really. What do you take me for? A nun?”

“My dearest Chapel”, Kirk said seriously, “I have never, for one minute, taken you for a nun. You’re too freaking manipulative for that.”

“Thank you, captain, that’s really high praise from you.”

“You’re very welcome! As long as you share the story of the crazy sex?”

Uhura snorts. “Oh you don’t need to bargain for that one, she’s much too proud of it to keep it secret.”

“Bones’ sickbay?”, Kirk guessed excitedly, “Us too!”

Nyota laughed and started counting on her fingers: “McCoy’s desk, McCoy’s biobed, McCoy’s desk-“ Spock unburied his head from his hands in astonishment. Chapel continued: “McCoy’s chair, McCoy’s desk, and then the biobed again. And that’s just McCoy’s territory.”

Jim was beyond impressed. “Ladies, I’m beyond impressed.” An idea hit him and he bounced on his knees. “Does he know? CAN I TELL HIM?”

Uhura grimaced. “He’ll change the locks again.”

“Oh psh!”, the blonde waved, “I’ll pick them for you. Remember that one week, Spock? We did it on his desk a lot. I feel like it was a lot. What was it, once a day? And then you too” at this he nodded to Uhura. “I _need_ to tell him! I mean, how likely is it he’ll check his desk with a UV light? He’s paranoid like that. Can you imagine his face if he _sees_?!

Spock was considering it: “He would be most displeased. I would not wish to miss his expression.”

The four stopped to imagine his face. Uhura and Jim started cackling like loons. Carol chortled. Spock lifted a corner of his mouth and his eyes twinkled with amusement.

The collective mirth in the room grew until Uhura fell off her chair, clutching her abdomen. It made Jim laugh so loudly, he toppled backwards into Spock’s open legs. The weight made Spock’s chair roll backwards abruptly, exposing Spock’s open trousers and novelty underwear.

It was this exact same moment that a young man clad in medical scrubs with a stack of PADDs entered. He looked up and saw:one, Professor Spock with his trousers open, wearing dark-blue boxers with little silver Enterprises on them; two, Captain Kirk, laying backwards between Professor Spock’s spread-open legs, his bare chest heaving up and down with laughter (a rather lovely sight, actually); three, Lieutenant Commander Uhura, curled up on the ground, hysterically crying with laughter.

The PADDs clattered to the ground. “I- Ah- Excuse me- Chapel said- I’ll just- Wait, _are you blowing_ \- I mean- I’ll just go. Go! Yes! I’m going, now”, and with those words the student sounded a hasty retreat.

There was an utter silence as the three realized just what the guy must have seen.

The student stormed back in, and started collecting the dropped PADDs. “I’m sorry, I just need to say this. Captain Kirk, I’m a big fan, I wrote a dissertation on you when I was fifteen.”

Kirk was floored and gaped like he was hit by the same wet fish in rather dry circumstances I mentioned earlier. Then he started laughing again and flopped on his back. “Sweet! Can I read it?”

Spock, who had buried his head in his hands again, growled. “ _Jim_.” No one knows how close to losing his composure he was. They thought he was about to die of embarrassment. In reality, he was _this close_ to laughing his ass off. No-one, Spock decided, could ever know.

“Whaaaat?!”, Jim whined, “I wanna read it!”

Uhura hiccupped and started laughing again. The student, calm as you please, stepped past her, deposited the PADDs on the desk, nodded respectfully- “Sirs.”- and moved out again.

“I want that kid on my ship”, Kirk comments with a grin.

“Deal”, Chapel sounds from Uhura’s PADD. She sounds like she’s seriously having trouble not to start cackling hysterically. Jim, Uhura and Spock stare at the communication device, coming to a realization.

“My office hours”, Spock said slowly, “do not start for another half hour.”

“Your office hours,” Chapel responds smugly, “also aren’t open for medical students.”

“CHAPEL YOU ABSOLUTE-“

_

Nobody ever believed the poor student when he tried to convince his friends of what he saw (“No way would Spock let Kirk blow him in his office, with Uhura watching” “I SWEAR IT HAPPENED” “Spock, though?” “YEAH!” “And _Uhura_?” “Yeah.” “Are you sure? “…Yeah.” “I don’t believe you.” “Of course you don’t”).

The results were quite real, however. He was the one who got taken for coffee by Chapel and was told of his assignment on the Enterprise (“You handled it with composure. They like that”). The one who had a permanent shoulder to cry when he had love troubles (“Have you tried seducing her with your French accent?” “Scotty, NO.”). The one who had the entire alpha bridge crew as his honourary uncles and aunts (“I love you guys, but you are INSANE.”). The one who had to pass on the embarrassing packages (“Can’t let anyone know the captain of the Enterprise and the head of communications are both rather fond of ordering certain erotic articles, can we?” “Did you have to include my rank, though?”). The one who received a half-dozen weird birthday gifts every year (“A possibly lethal Vulcan cactus, really?” “I panicked and couldn’t think of something else. I’d already tried fencing classes, remember?” “How could I forget? I can’t come into the gym anymore without seeing you and uncle Pavel naked in my mind”).

The one who later went on to tell his nephew all about his adventures on the Enterprise.

The one whose nephew thought of him when confronting a deluded Kirk in the Nexus- some points are fixed in time, I’m afraid. The one whose nephew asked the former captain w _hat happened to Spock_ because his uncle had told him the truth about these two. The one whose nephew got Kirk out, back to his husband.

The one who started laughing really, really hard when his nephew told him that Kirk confessed to never having gotten around to reading Nurse Picard’s dissertation.

 


End file.
